As you and your partner go through your lives together, your partners will, on occasion, do and say things that upset you. How you respond to these has a direct effect on the degree and the quality of the communication that exists between the two of you.
If your partner comes to you with something that he or she wishes to discuss, how do you handle your response? Do you put off the conversation because you are busy? Are you involved watching television and don't want to be bothered? Have you ever told them to go ahead and talk while continuing doing what you were involved in, thereby only giving them part (usually a small part) of your attention? Or, do you stop what you're doing and give them your full, undivided attention?
The first thing that you should do is ascertain the importance of the request. Often this can be accomplished by taking clues from your partner's non-verbal communication such as his or her vocal tone and timbre and his or her body language. If you are still not certain as to the nature or importance of the topic, you should ask. A response such as, "Is it important? Do you need to talk now, or can we talk in a while?" should be sufficient. Care should be taken not to voice this angrily or impatiently, but rather in manner that will indicate that you do want to talk, but that is inconvenient to do so at the moment.
If you are involved in a project or other distraction, you could appropriately ask if you could talk after completing it or upon reaching a point that taking a break is practical. "I'll be happy to talk with you, but can it wait until I can take a break?" will usually let your partner know that you are ignoring him or her.
Of course, if the topic is important, you should stop whatever you are doing as soon as possible and give your partner the attention that they need. However, bear in mind that something that your partner feels is very important may not be that important to you, so you should treat the topic as being important because to him or her, it is.
When you do reach a point that you can stop what you are doing, you should immediately go to your partner and let him or her know that you are ready and willing listen them. Really listen to your partner. Give them your undivided attention. Asking questions or repeating key points that are mentioned not only give you clarity on the topic, but reinforce to your partner that you are indeed listening.
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