Some time ago we posted a short entry on sexless marriages (relationships). We now feel the need to expound on that topic. It is estimated that 20% of marriages in the United States fall into this category, which means that the partners have sex ten times per year or less. Although very few marriages begin this way, many seem to slowly devolve into this condition. A sexless marriage can occur with couples of all ages, not just older couples. Why do so many relationships suffer from this condition? We think that there are several main causes.
- Illness
- Injury
- Alcohol and/or drug abuse
- Childbirth
- Lack of communication
- Lack of sexual attraction
- Taking each other for granted
- Differences in sexual desires
- Everyday stress
Some couples enter into marriage purely for legal reasons, such as for tax or immigration purposes. Other marriages are sexless due to a mutual agreement between the partners for other reasons and we will not address relationships included in either of these areas. However, in this and the next several posts, we will examine each of the causes listed.
The first cause of a sexless marriage that we will examine is that of illness. Many physical conditions can affect the quality of one's sex life. Obviously, acute illnesses such as colds, flu, acute bronchitis and situational depression can have an adverse, but temporary, impact on one's sex life. Chronic conditions such as diabetes, clinical depression, cancers and a host of other long-term diseases also have adverse affects on one's sexual activities, and these, like the illnesses, are also long-term.
Although there are too many chronic diseases that may impact a couple’s sex life to discuss them all, we will briefly look at four that are fairly common: diabetes, heart disease or stroke, cancer and depression.
Diabetes can render a man impotent and unable to achieve an erection and can increase the occurrence of vaginitis (inflammation of the vagina which makes having sex painful) in women. In addition, uncontrolled diabetes frequently causes fatigue in both men and women.
Depression can affect either genders and causes the sufferer to become withdrawn and have the desire to sleep. The connection between depression and sex is not clear and many who suffer from depression continue to lead normal sex lives, others find their desire for sexual activity greatly diminished or non-existent. The general dampening of brain activity in men causes feelings of fatigue and hopelessness which may be associated with a loss of libido and erection problems. In women, this diminished brain activity tends to account for a loss of interest in sex and difficulty achieving orgasm. In many cases, the desire to resume normal sexual activities mark the end of the depressive episode.
Being diagnosed with heart disease or recovering from a stroke can be a crippling blow to a couple's sex life, but these shouldn't necessarily spell the death of your amorous adventures. Generally, health care professionals say that sex may be beneficial for these people providing certain precautions are taken.
For heart disease patients:
- Choose a time when you're rested, relaxed and free from the stress brought on by the day's activities.
- Wait one to three hours after eating a full meal to allow time for digestion.
- Select a familiar, peaceful setting that's free from interruptions.
- If prescribed by your doctor, take medicine before sexual relations.
For those recovering from a stroke:
- Be aware that your feelings about your body may have changed since your stroke.
- Try using pillows to help support your affected side during lovemaking.
Cancer generally has no direct effect on one's sex life. It is normal for the patient's sexual desire and energy levels to change during treatment. This can happen for a number of reasons. Some common reasons are stress, fatigue, and other treatment side effects. Body image issues may also play a part. If the patient has had surgery for a cancer in the pelvic or stomach areas, it may make intercourse difficult or painful for a time. Some women have vaginal dryness, and some men have problems with erections (erectile dysfunction) as a side effect of some treatments. These issues should be discussed with your physician and your partner.
Often it is not the illness or injury that dampens a couple's sex life, but rather the medication prescribed to cure the illness or aid in the pain associated with the injury. Narcotic pain medications can have a numbing effect on the patient's brain, thereby lessening the sensitivity to physical stimuli. Chemical and radiation treatments for cancer and other conditions can have a devastating effect on a person's general physical condition. Other medications, including some anti-depressants, can lower a person's libido, cause vaginal dryness in women or, inhibit the ability of men to achieve an erection. Often, there are alternate medications that may be prescribed that may lessen these sexual side effects. When confronted with any issue involving illness, injury, or medication, you should not be hesitant to consult your physician.
In the event of any long term illness that is affecting your sex life in any way, we urge you to discuss the issue with your physician and follow his or her advice.
In our next post we will discuss Sexless Marriages and Injury.
In the meantime, please visit our website, Sexual Solutions, LLC to learn how we can help you to “Bring back the sizzle!” Also, follow us on Facebook and Twitter to stay informed about news, specials and new products.
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