Need to talk?

      As you and your partner go through your lives together, your partners will, on occasion, do and say things that upset you.  How you respond to these has a direct effect on the degree and the quality of the communication that exists between the two of you.

      If your partner comes to you with something that he or she wishes to discuss, how do you handle your response?  Do you put off the conversation because you are busy?  Are you involved watching television and don't want to be bothered?  Have you ever told them to go ahead and talk while continuing doing what you were involved in, thereby only giving them part (usually a small part) of your attention?  Or, do you stop what you're doing and give them your full, undivided attention?

      The first thing that you should do is ascertain the importance of the request.  Often this can be accomplished by taking clues from your partner's non-verbal communication such as his or her vocal tone and timbre and his or her body language.  If you are still not certain as to the nature or importance of the topic, you should ask.  A response such as, "Is it important?  Do you need to talk now, or can we talk in a while?" should be sufficient.    Care should be taken not to voice this angrily or impatiently, but rather in manner that will indicate that you do want to talk, but that is inconvenient  to do so at the moment.

      If you are involved in a project or other distraction, you could appropriately ask if you could talk after completing it or upon reaching a point that taking a break is practical.  "I'll be happy to talk with you, but can it wait until I can take a break?" will usually let your partner know that you are ignoring him or her.

      Of course, if the topic is important, you should stop whatever you are doing as soon as possible and give your partner the attention that they need.  However, bear in mind that something that your partner feels is very important may not be that important to you, so you should treat the topic as being important because to him or her, it is. 

       When you do reach a point that you can stop what you are doing, you should immediately go to your partner and let him or her know that you are ready and willing listen them.  Really listen to your partner.  Give them your undivided attention.  Asking questions or repeating key points that are mentioned not only give you clarity on the topic, but reinforce to your partner that you are indeed listening.

      Please visit our website, Sexual Solutions, LLC, to learn how we can help you to "Bring back the sizzle!"

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Sex and the lack of effective communication

At Sexual Solutions, we believe that most of the problems that couples go through are due to a lack of effective communication.  The partners may talk about superficial things such as how their day went or what happened with the children or what bills need to be paid; but to sit down and talk with each other about what they are REALLY  thinking or feeling is often difficult.  Each are usually afraid that his or her partner either won't listen to them or that they will be made to feel foolish, or that they will be rejected, or that his or her partner will become angry.

Frequently, it is not only one partner that holds these beliefs, but both partners have things on their minds that they have wanted to get out into the open, but have avoided because "the time wasn't right" for one reason or another or because of the fears stated above.  The result of these repressed thoughts and feelings is often frustration, which over time can lead to resentment.  In many cases, this leads to a total breakdown in communication.

At Sexual Solutions, we offer a way by which couples can open up with their partners and begin to discuss their innermost thoughts and feelings without fear.  The best news is that our Relationship and Sexual Communication Programs cost less than the price of a single counseling session and can be worked in the privacy of your own home.  We encourage all couples to try our products and begin down the path to open, free and honest communication with your partners.