Of course they aren't! Or are they? Have you ever been in a situation where your partner suddenly lashes out at you about something that you had nothing to do with? When this occurs, our first impulse is to retaliate. Of course, this is an ill advised response and will only lead to an escalation of the argument.
During this time, it does indeed seem as though our partner is our enemy; and they certainly appear to see us as theirs. They are attacking us, sometimes on a personal level by calling us names, using disparaging terms or belittling us, our accomplishments and sometimes, even our sexual performance. They are making it personal. Usually, this is not about us. This type of behavior occurs because our partners are frustrated or angry about something that has occurred that has nothing to do with us. They have not thought out a response to whatever situation has upset them, so they attack the person closest to them, us, often personally.
The best thing that we have found to break this type of attack is to remind them that we are not the enemy. We would suggest holding the partner at the shoulders, looking them squarely in the eye, and saying, "I am not your enemy!" This allows them a moment to grasp the nature of his or her actions and face reality. The reality that we love them and do are not going to argue. The reality that we are on their side and are there to support them. Once the situation (and our partner) has calmed down, they will likely be able to discuss the cause of their distress.
It is important to remember that we are not the only ones in the relationship that have problems; and that some of the problems that our partners have to deal with have nothing to do with us. However, it is our responsibility as their partner to do whatever we can to help them to work through whatever difficulty they are facing. Notice that we said "help them work through" not fix it for them. To take the entire responsibility for our partners' problems would be saying to them that we do not think they are capable of handling their difficulties on their own. If would reflect a lack of confidence in our partners.
However, since everyone needs support, advise and the opinions of others from time to time, who better to know we can turn to than our partners?
Our next post - Our partner or our best friend?
In the meantime, please visit our website, Sexual Solutions, LLC to learn how we can help you "Bring back the sizzle!"
It is important to remember that we are not the only ones in the relationship that have problems; and that some of the problems that our partners have to deal with have nothing to do with us. However, it is our responsibility as their partner to do whatever we can to help them to work through whatever difficulty they are facing. Notice that we said "help them work through" not fix it for them. To take the entire responsibility for our partners' problems would be saying to them that we do not think they are capable of handling their difficulties on their own. If would reflect a lack of confidence in our partners.
However, since everyone needs support, advise and the opinions of others from time to time, who better to know we can turn to than our partners?
Our next post - Our partner or our best friend?
In the meantime, please visit our website, Sexual Solutions, LLC to learn how we can help you "Bring back the sizzle!"
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