Do I still love my partner?

Love is defined as an affection based on sexual desire.  Another definition to determine love is to ask yourself, "Is the security and well-being of my partner as important to me as my own?"  We at Sexual Solutions choose to define it as a strong affection or attachment to another person based on sexual desire, life experiences, and/or mutual respect. So, when asking yourself this question, make the best effort possible not to deceive yourself.

Some people delude themselves into believing that they truly love their partner when, in fact, they actually have an attachment disorder which manifests itself through excessive dependency, possessiveness, compulsive caregiving and a variety of other symptoms. This is not necessarily love in and of itself. However, it is possible that a person can truly love their partner and still be suffering from this condition. In the end analysis, only the individual can determine whether the attachment that they feel for his or her partner is love, or something disguised as love. If addressed early enough, a maladjusted relationship can be put to rights with the aid of a good counselor or therapist.

To determine whether or not you still love your partner, it is helpful to recall the beginnings of the relationship and ask yourself, "Do I still have the same feelings for my partner now that I did then?" Of course, if the relationship is long-term (over one year), the likelihood is that the sexual desire has wained. This is normal and is the result of the chemical reactions in the brain diminishing slowly over time. What really matters in the context of this post is the core feelings about the other person. Do you like them? Do you respect them? Can you imagine your life without them?

Several years ago, my wife and I attended a couple's communication workshop in northern California. In one of the exercises, all the attendees were asked to lie on the floor. The lights were dimmed and the facilitator ran through a scenario in which he verbally walked us through our relationship, reminding us of how we felt when we first met, the love that grew stronger over the ensuing weeks and months, and the devotion that we felt for each other at the present time. The exercise concluded with the facilitator proclaiming, "You just received word that your partner is dead. You will never see them again." The effect was universal and staggering. At that point, every person in attendance broke out in tears at the thought of loosing his or her partner.

If you can go to a quite place, simulate this same scenario and the result is a feeling of depression or sadness, then we would suggest that you do indeed love your partner.  An excellent indicator of whether or not you still love your partner would be to ask yourself these questions:

Do I ask my partner for his or her opinion or advice?
Do I let him or her know if I'm going to be late?
Do I share my thoughts and feelings with him or her if something is bothering me?
Am I concerned for his or her well being?

If you can answer yes to these question, in our opinion, you still love your partner

In the meantime, visit our website, Sexual Solutions, LLC. Take advantage of our specials and see how we can help you to "Bring back the sizzle!"

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