We have been asked how we got the idea to develop our relationship and sexual communications programs. The answer is that the original program was developed out of necessity in our personal lives. As the result of an accident, my wife required nine surgeries in nine years, the first five of which were performed the first year following the accident. All the surgeries, recuperation times, physical therapy sessions, and accompanying medications resulted in my becoming her caregiver for almost a full decade.
During this time, not only was our physical activity (including sex) severely limited, but our communication deteriorated to a point that we were hardly talking about anything, much less sex. Even though we still loved each other, we were growing further and further apart. I been a caregiver for so long I had all but forgotten how to be a husband. During the last couple of years in this cycle, we began to see a counselor in an attempt to restore our communication skills, but the result was marginal at best. We tried the suggestions that were made but after a few weeks slipped back into what had become comfortable for us (not desired, mind you, but comfortable).
Finally, the time had come when I decided that I had to do something about the situation, although I had no clue as to what that would be. I knew that if we didn't break this communication deadlock our 33+ year marriage was in serious trouble. As I began to search the internet for any solutions that may help us, I was amazed by the number of listings for therapists, counselors, and social workers. I was equally amazed by the number of couple's workshops and retreats dealing with everything from communication to tantric sex. Having been in counseling and also having attended couples workshops in the past, I knew that these options were not going to solve our problem. Besides, these options were not very cost effective to us. A counselor would charge at least $80.00 per one-hour session (but who gets well in an hour?) and a workshop or retreat would run hundreds of dollars. We needed a method by which we could break through the years of isolation from each other, but didn't have the money to spend on either of these options.
I decided that we needed something that was powerful, effective, to the point, inexpensive, and that worked relatively fast. I felt that perhaps a questionnaire would be the answer, so I began searching for a questionnaire that perhaps I could adapt to fit our particular issues. Unfortunately, I drew a blank. Oh, there were questionnaires out there all right. there were "Do you love him?" questionnaires, "Should you stay or go?" questionnaires, "Is she right for you?" questionnaires - everything except what I was looking for.
What did I do? I'll leave that for my next post in a couple of days. In the meantime, please visit the Sexual Solutions web site and find out how to "Bring back the sizzle!"
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