Another factor involving injury or illness that can have a severely detrimental effect on a couple's sex life is that when a couple is living with a long-term condition such as these, frequently, one of the partners becomes the default caregiver to the other. In cases where this period of care giving extends into months or years, a shift in the dynamics of the couple's relationship may occur. Gradually, over time, the caregiver may mentally, and emotionally, switch roles from partner and lover to helper and nurse. This switch occurs subconsciously, at a much deeper level than is necessary to fulfill the routine day-to-day obligations of a caregiver.
When this occurs, the caregiver still loves his or her partner, but begins to see them primarily as a person to be attended to rather than a lover and sex partner. We think that, to a degree, this is normal given the circumstances, especially when the couple does not talk frequently and openly about sexual matters, thereby keeping their roles active in their minds.
Another shift that may occur in a relationship facing these types of challenges is that the patient, already dependent on the caregiver for assistance in many areas, begins to see this as the norm. They form a dependence on the caregiver beyond that which is necessary. They do not attempt to do much, if anything, for themselves. Subconsciously, they may actually like the concept of someone attending to their every whim. This shift, especially when combined with the shift in the caregiver’s role, reinforces the perception that the two are no longer partners and lovers.
Often the patient will recover sufficiently so that sexual activity may be resumed and the patient may desire for this to be the case. Their physicians may give clearance for sexual activities but nothing happens. The patient becomes confused and frustrated due to the lack of sexual interest and initiative on the part of his or her partner. He or she may have concerns that their partner has entered into an affair or no longer loves him or her.
This can be an extremely difficult process to reverse because over time it has become so ingrained into the life of one or both partners that they have lost the ability to see him or herself, or each other, as a sexual partner.
In order to correct this situation, both partners should be mindful of their roles of the past months or years. Assuming that the patient desires sexual intimacy, it is helpful if he or she becomes the sexual aggressor by enthusiastically initiating sex so that the caregiver has no doubts as to the extent of the patient’s recovery. Though counseling may be necessary to get the relationship focused properly, a good way to begin would be the Sexual Solutions, LLC Basic Sexual Communication Program, which would place the couple in the position to speak openly about sexual issues.
In the event of any injury that is affecting your sex life in any way, we urge you to discuss the issue with your physician and follow his or her advice.
In our next post, we will discuss the issue of Alcohol/Drug Abuse and Sexless Marriages.
In the meantime, please visit our website, Sexual Solutions, LLC to learn how we can help you to “Bring back the sizzle!” Also, follow us on Facebook and Twitter to stay informed about news, specials and new products.
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